Boyfriend

I don't really have a boyfriend. I'm just beginning to realize this. He's has been away for the last 10 days, I haven't seen him in practically 2 weeks. We've barely spoken--just once--the entire duration of his trip. He returned and was in his house at 9pm this Sunday night. He wasn't arriving the airport at 9pm, he was at his house. And then he TEXTED me to say that he's going to sleep (at 9pm? at 9pm! asleep. at 9pm.) and will call me tomorrow. Doesn't even call me. Doesn't want to see me. I'm sure that he must be oh-so-tired from being on vacation, on a ski trip, to want to just go to sleep immediately after the long and arduous VACATION.

COP OUT!

Who does that? We've been dating since October and got a little bit serious in January when I got on birth control pills (which made me gain 5 pounds have 18 days of rag in a 30 day period--pun intended.) He's back and does not really seem interested in seeing me...

At this point, I think I would rather be alone. Is this what a boyfriend is all about? NO. I've never been in a relationship where the guy I was with seemed so detached. I don't actually feel like I'm in a relationship with him.

When he's with me, we have a great time and he's wonderfully considerate. It's just when we're not together that it seems like I don't really have a boyfriend--that he's not really involved in a relationship with me. He's never around on the weekend, I never know if or when I'm going to see him. I like to be spontaneous and flexible but never making plans is ridiculous.

I haven't seen him or heard from him in so long that I don't even feel like I have a boyfriend. I barely remember what he looks like.

Now that he's back, I'm dreading seeing him. Why? Because I don't even know how he feels about me. What does he think about me? Does he even miss me? This is a horrible feeling. I wish he cared about me. Doesn't that suck?

I'm taking a LONG break after this one and dating NO ONE. Maybe "gym" but he keeps fucking up my knees. and ankles.